We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
