I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
