mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love accidental penises.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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