my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
