: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
