Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
NoShamevember. You game?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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