I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
