If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
