I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it's great music for shaving your balls
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
