Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
