I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
