sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
