There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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