u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
