mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
