The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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