Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
