I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
