How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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