The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
