They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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