I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
