If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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