I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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