Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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