I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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