This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
