Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
