just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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