Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
