Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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