You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
