If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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