I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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