I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
