You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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