So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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