i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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