Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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