it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
