I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
