I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
