I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
