I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
