Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
