Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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