Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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