She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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