I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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