Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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