Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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