The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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