Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
