you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
