what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
