My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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