I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
