Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
