the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize