All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
