Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
