Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
