Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize