I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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