2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
