You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
