They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
did you just send me my own nude
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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