Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
