I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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