All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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