I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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