My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
His nipple licking is glorious
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