were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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