Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
